When Push Comes To Shove
by TheUSofCalzona
Summary: A year ago, Harry get hits with a spell and looses his memory. He acts like a child and can barely be left alone. Ginny, despite family pushing her to put him away, continues to be his wife and take care of him. What happens when it falls apart?
1. Chapter 1

Notes: This is one of the saddest stories we've written. It was hard to write but we love it. We made a tough decision with the ending and we hope you enjoy it. Get ready to cry.

* * *

Harry woke up. He knew it was morning because it was light out. "Hi." He whispered to Ginny not sure if she was awake yet. He liked her she made him feel good.

Ginny had been awake for a bit, just thinking. "Hi," she said softly, taking his hand gently, hoping it would be a better day.

"You smell nice." Harry said with a slightly blank look on his face.

"Flowers," Ginny said lightly.

Harry snuggled against Ginny. "You fly me today?" Harry asked in broke words.

"What do you want," Ginny asked softly, rubbing his arm gently.

"You with me?" He knew he only got to go on her broom with her if he was a very good boy. It was always a good day when he got that.

"After lunch, okay? If you're good, remember?" Ginny brushed some of his hair away from his face. Harry nodded quickly. He smiled at her brightly. He took her hand and kissed it.

Ginny smiled at him lightly, kissing his forehead. "I love you, do you love me?"

"Love you." Harry said in a low voice. "What mean again?" He asked shyly after.

"It means that I'll always be here for you, always to make you happy and to make you smile. I'll do anything to help you and anything you want," Ginny whispered.

"Love you." Harry said softly. He pulled her close to him and stroked her cheek. But when he looked in her eyes they were almost blank.

"Love you." Harry said softly. He pulled her close to him and stroked her cheek. But when he looked in her eyes they were almost blank.

Ginny smiled at him, practically forced. "Do you want breakfast?"

"Pancakes?" He asked softly. He was looking down her shirt a little.

Ginny almost laughed, almost. "Sure," she kissed his cheek and got up.

Harry walked behind Ginny as they went to the kitchen. He sat at the table as she cooked. He liked watching her, liked being around her. "Thanks." He said when she put the plate on the table.

"Your welcome, love," Ginny whispered, watching him eat for a moment before she started to eat her cereal.

"Here."Harry held up a fork full for her.

Ginny took the bite, smiling at him as she chewed. "Thank you," she said softly.

"Love?" Harry asked trying to understand the meaning of love.

"I'll always be here to take care of you," Ginny said gently. "To make sure you're happy." Harry smiled as he ate his food. He started to eat fast because it tasted good.

"Slow down, honey," Ginny put her hand on his arm. "We don't want you to get a tummy-ache."

Harry nodded as he slowly finished his food. "Good." Harry said looking at Ginny.

Ginny nodded, "Good. Want to get dressed.?"

Harry shook his head hard no. "No."

"You can't stay in your underwear and shirt all day," Ginny said a bit sternly.

"No." Harry said again a little weaker.

"I'll get dressed with you," Ginny put the plates in the sink.

Harry put his head down as they walked to their bedroom. He sat on the bed pouting a little.

Ginny sighed. She sat down next to him, rubbing his back. "Don't be sad, Harry. If you're good and get dressed, we'll go flying, remember?"

Harry nodded. "K."

Ginny kissed him softly before standing up and pulling some clothes out for him. "Red shirt or blue?" She asked, holding up the choices.

"Red like red." Harry said.

"Okay," Ginny put the blue back and handed him pants and the shirt. She went to her dresser and pulled out a shirt for her.

Harry stood up and stripped. He looked down at his middle. He started laughing.

"What's so funny," Ginny asked, pulling her shirt down over her.

"It bigger." He grinned at her.

Ginny looked down, seeing his erection and snorted. "It means you're happy. Do you want me to help you fix it?"

Harry's grin grew. He liked doing that thing they did even better than flying.

"Do you want me to use my hand?" Ginny asked softly as she finished getting dressed.

"No." Harry blushed.

"What do you want?"

He pointed to the bed. He made a motion with his hips.

Ginny smiled lightly. She wasn't really in the mood, today not being the best kind of day she's had. But, she hated to disappoint him. "Would it be alright if we did it later?"

"Promise?" Harry asked. His smiled faded a little.

Ginny's heart broke a little, hating to make him sad. "I'm sorry, I promise," Ginny kissed him softly.

Harry stat on the bed. "Make go way." Harry said not wanting that now that he wasn't going to get what he wanted.

Ginny put on a face, hoping to change his mood. Ginny kissed his neck lightly as she sat next to him, stroking him lightly.

Harry turned his head so she couldn't kiss his neck anymore. He didn't want this right now but he didn't want his middle to feel funny either.

Ginny looked away, biting back her tears. "Do you want me to just use my wand to make it go away?" Ginny asked quietly. Harry nodded sadly. Ginny took in a shaky breath as she reached for her wand and flicked it at Harry, his erection disappearing. She handed him his clothes for the day, "Get dressed and we'll do whatever you want before lunch, okay?"

Harry got dressed slowly. He didn't feel like doing anything now. He curled up on the bed.

"I'm sorry I made you sad," Ginny whispered, looking down. "Do you want me to go in the other room?"

"You don't like me?" Harry said as some tears fell.

"Oh, honey," Ginny crawled next to him, rubbing his back like he liked, her tears falling. "Of course I like you, I love you. I like you so much, that's why I'm here with you all the time."

"If not want here go." Harry said keeping his back to her.

"I want to be here, I want to take care of you," Ginny whispered, her tears falling, her body weak against the sheets.

Harry just laid on the bed. "Why you stay?" Harry asked. "Not all me about."

"I love you, you're my husband. I stay here to be with you because I love you, because it's my job to take care of you," Ginny whispered hoarsely.

Harry turned around. He put his head against hers and cried. "Want Ginny happy." Harry said.

Ginny cried softly. "I want you happy," she whispered.

Harry held her softly in his arms. "Love you." He said stroking her back.

Ginny put her face in his neck, always feeling safe there. "I love you, Harry."

"Too bright." Harry whispered.

Ginny turned to grab her wind, turning off the lights and shutting the blinds.

Harry laid with Ginny as his head started to hurt. "Hurts." Harry whispered.

Ginny closed her eyes, knowing this day was just getting worse. Ginny summoned a glass of water and his usual pain potions, helping him sip it.

Harry drank what Ginny gave him. He felt it start to work. "Thanks." Harry whispered. "Good care."

"Good," Ginny snuggled back to his chest.

Harry held her as his mind tried to fix itself. The longer it stayed this way the harder it was to remember things from before. Harry lightly touched Ginny's belly. "Baby?" Harry remembered talking about baby's before.

"Want baby?" He whispered running his fingertips over her.

"We talked about it," Ginny whispered.

"Want?" Harry nodded softly.

"What hava do?" Harry asked not quite sure how babies were made.

"Do this," Ginny put her hand over the front of his pants.

"Said no." Harry pulled back a little.

"We don't have to make a baby now, we can do it any time," Ginny whispered, wanting to wait for his better days.

Harry nodded. "Baby." Harry grinned. "We have baby." Ginny smiled at him, putting her hand over his that was still on her stomach. She wanted a baby with him, always had, but wasn't sure how she could take care of a baby and Harry.

"Me help." Harry whispered. "Me help lots." He said knowing her faces even if it took time.

Ginny cupped his cheek, smiling at him a bit sadly. "I know you will."

"You still not happy." Harry whispered.

"I'm not worrying about me, I'm taking care of you, loving you," Ginny said softly.

"Hospital." Harry whispered. He knew people had talked about it before.

"What? Why do you want to go there?" Ginny asked, a bit concerned.

"Make you live easy." Harry whispered.

"What're you talking about, Harry," Ginny asked, her brow furrowed before her face went blank as she understood.

"Me trouble. You can't do like what." Harry said softly.

Ginny shook her head. "No, Harry."

"You liar." Harry whispered.

"I am not going to live without you," Ginny said very firmly.

"You should."

"I'm not. I am staying with you, you're staying with me," Ginny said, her jaw set before she whispered, "Unless you don't want to be with me...."

"Bill talk me. Said If I want be good husband I let you send me there." Harry whispered cupping her cheek. "Me want good husband."

Ginny shut her eyes tightly, her fists clenching. "Do not listen to him," Ginny said through her teeth.

"He good husband me want to be too." Harry said with tears falling.

Ginny opened her eyes, hers filled with tears. She caressed his cheek. "You are a good husband. A good husband loves and respects his wife and tells his wife what he wants and doesn't listen to people he shouldn't. If my brothers ever say anything like that to you again, please tell me, okay?"

"Charlie said it too." He whispered. "And Percy and George." Harry said softly. "They want me to be good."

"You are a good husband," Ginny said, looking into his eyes. "Please don't listen to them when they say mean things."

Harry pulled her close. "Me want to be him again."

"Me too," Ginny whispered into his chest so he couldn't hear her.

Harry heard her. "You want to." He said in a heartbreaking tone.

Ginny cursed herself as she pulled back to look at him. "I didn't mean it like that. You are him. You are Harry. I love you and only you."

Harry got up and walked into a spare bedroom. It was one they set up for him that was dark and quiet. He curled up on the floor.

Ginny sat up, pulling her knees to her chest as she cried, making sure to be quiet. After a while she went to the bathroom to splash water on her face. She went and Flooed Ron and Hermione, asking them to come over. Ginny slowly went to where Harry was, knocking on the door softly. Harry didn't answer.

Ginny opened the door gently. "Harry? I know you're upset with me but can you listen to me for a moment?" Harry nodded softly.

"I'm going out for a little bit. Ron and Hermione are coming over to hang out with you, is that alright?" Ginny asked softly. Harry nodded looking at her.

"Can I have a kiss before I go?" Ginny asked, her expression sad.

"No." Harry whispered.

Ginny took in a staggering breath, looking away as she whispered, "Okay, then. I'll be back soon." Ginny turned and saw Ron and Hermione looking at her sadly. She looked down. "I'll be back... just... watch after him... try and give him whatever he wants right now."

Hermione and Ron nodded. "We'll take care of him Gin."

"Thanks," she said softly. "He's in a sad mood, so try to be happy around him. I... I was stupid and said the wrong thing." Ginny shook her head as she started to the door to Apparate.

"Gin?" Ron whispered. Ginny turned to him.

"You're doing good with him." He whispered giving her a half smile. Ginny remained silent as she turned back around and walked out the door, Apparating with a CRACK. She appeared in front of Shell Cottage. Bill was doing dishes when he saw Ginny. He took a deep breath as she walked towards the door. Ginny knocked on the door swiftly. Anger powering over her sadness at the moment. Bill opened it with his wand. Ginny walked in, going into the living room and the rest of the downstairs to make sure none of the kids were down here. Fleur was upstairs. She knew what Bill had done. She was more than happy to let him get what he walked into the kitchen where Bill was, her expression hard, wand in hand.

"Ginny don't look at me like that." Bill said leaning against the counter.

"How would a good wife look at you," Ginny sneered.

"Ginny he needs real help. You can't do everything." Bill said softly.

"What would you know, you don't spend any real time with him," she said coldly. "I'm doing a damn good job at taking care of my husband. You're being a bloody hypocrite, you know that?"

"How's that?" Bill asked.

"When you were attack, did Fleur put you in some hospital? No, she took care of you because she loved you," Ginny had her arms tight across her chest. "I'm not making Harry go live with some nut-jobs. He's staying with me, his wife."

"I'm still me Gin. I can still take care of myself. Harry has hurt himself how many times? You can't leave him alone, you can't have a real life, you can't be a husband and wife. I know you love him but come on Gin." Bill said waking over to her. "No one would blame you for wanting to live."

Ginny slapped him, something she wanted to do since Harry told her what happened. "You cannot tell me how to live, William! Could you truthfully tell me that you would put Fleur in the hospital if you were in this kind of situation? Would you want her to put you in a hospital?"

"I'd do what was best for her." Bill said looking into her eyes. "I'd make sure she had the best people caring for her. But i also would make sure that i could still have a life worth living." Bill said softly. "What can he do Gin? You can't really talk to him, can't really be with him, care really be the man you married."

"This isn't about me, it's about him. I'm supposed to be taking care of him and I am. I came over here to tell you to never talk to him again without me, Ron, or Hermione with you. I obviously can't trust you anymore, can't let you talk to him without you putting stupid ideas in his head. You have no idea what you're talking about, you bastard, so I suggest you just keep your bloody mouth shut," Ginny said bitterly, her expression harsh as she stormed out the door, turning on the spot.

Harry hadn't moved since Ginny left. His back hurt, his head hurt, his body was shaking, he wanted to be the man he use to be. Ginny came back, tears streaming down her face as she went into the bathroom to calm down before Harry saw her.

Ron walked to the door. "Gin."

"What," she snapped from her spot on the floor.

Ron walked into the bathroom. "He wasn't right in what he did." Ron said softly.

"I thought I could trust my brothers but obviously I can only trust you," Ginny whispered hoarsely, looking at the tile.

Ron pulled her into a hug. "He wants to be the man he use to be. He wants to be good for you." Ron said softly. "He doesn't understand that you love the man he is."

"I made a mistake, I didn't think he'd hear me," Ginny started to cry in his chest.

"It's alright to miss him Gin." Ron said softly. "We all do."

"I can't have him be sad, it's not good for him," she sobbed. "I want to keep him happy but it's hard."

"He needs to learn that he can't have everything he wants." Ron whispered softly. "I would do the same if it was Mione."

"I just don't know what to do sometimes," Ginny took a shaking breath. "Almost all my family is against me so I can't go to them."

"Hermione and I will always be here for you." Ron said holding her tightly. "Just do the best you can."

"It's not fair for me to keep calling you two," Ginny whispered.

"It's fair if we ask you too." Ron said rubbing her back. "

"Thank you," she choked out.

"Can I ask you something?" Ron whispered softly.

"Sure," Ginny murmured, her tears slowing slightly.

"Harry keeps muttering baby. I didn't think you two were . . ." Ginny just nodded softly, not bothering to blush "Ginny are you sure doing that is good for him?" Ron whispered softly.

"It makes him happy," Ginny muttered. "He sometimes remembers things a bit better...."

"Makes most men happy." Ron laughed softly. Ginny stayed silent as she leaned against him.

"I know it's not my concern but . . . you enjoy it right . . . he's not to rough for anything not understanding things." Ron asked softly. "I could talk to him."

"He's fine," she whispered.

"He loves you. He might not be able to say the things he use to but he does. He talks about you when you're gone."

"Like what?" She asked.

"Well about how smart you are and how funny you are and how pretty you are and how he likes when you . . . polish his wand." Ron laughed. Ginny rolled her eyes, smiling lightly.

"He wants you to be happy. He's talked to me about going away before Bill said anything."

Ginny shook her head. "He's not going anywhere unless he wants to for him."

"He just wants you to smile." Ron said softly.

"I try," she whispered.

"He can tell the difference." Ron said softly.

Her tears started to fall again. "I don't want him to see that."

"You can't protect him form that. Showing him that might help a little." Ron said softly.

Hermione came to the door. "Ron we have to be at my parents house soon."

"Go, I'll talk to you guys later," Ginny sat up, nodding to Hermione.

Ron and Hermione left. Giving her a smile before they went.

Ginny washed her face off again, trying to look presentable. Slowly, she went to knock on Harry's door again. Harry was still laying on the floor.

"Can I come in?" Ginny asked softly.

"Yes." Harry whispered.

Ginny walked in, sitting on the floor near him. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" Harry said taking her hand. "Me wrong."

Ginny shook her head. "You didn't do anything."

"Me got hurt." Harry said softly.

A tear fell down her face as she shook her head harder. "That was not your fault, Harry," she whispered firmly.

"Do want me go way?" Harry asked softly.

"No, I don't. I don't want anyone else taking care of you. I know you so I'm taking care of you," Ginny murmured.

"Me want stay. I'd miss you."

"I'd miss you terribly," Ginny stroked his cheek.

"Bill wrong. Me good husband." Harry whispered kissing her hand.

"You're a wonderful husband," Ginny kissed his head.

"Can help me up?" Harry whispered. Ginny helped him up into the bed, summoning water and the potion she knew he needed.

Harry took it and felt better. He stumbled into their bedroom. "Do you want baby?" Harry whispered.

Ginny gently steered him to the bed, helping him settle. "Yes, Harry," she said.

"James." He whispered.

Ginny looked at him, shocked. He remembered her family and a few friends, but never someone who had died. "How did you come up with that name?"

"Dad." Harry whispered.

"Do you just remember your dad or other people too," Ginny asked, prying a little.

"Li . . . lily." Harry whispered.

Ginny kissed his cheek, smiling lightly. "Very good."

"Mum." Harry whispered. "She red hair too."

Ginny nodded. "Yes she did."

"Question." Harry whispered.

"Do you know who your dad's best friend was?" Ginny asked, taking his hand.

"Sirius." Harry nodded.

Ginny smiled as she nodded. "What was he to you?"

"God . . . father." Harry said taking a long time.

Ginny kissed him softly. "What was another one of their friend's name?"

"Pe . . ter." Harry studdered.

Ginny nodded, rubbing the back of his hand. "Do you remember anything about him?" Harry shook his head.

"That's fine," she cooed. "Do you remember any other names?" Harry shook his head.

"You did very good, love," Ginny kissed his cheek.

"More question." Harry whispered.

"Do you remember that you're a godfather?" Harry shook his head.

"Um... how about another one of your father's friends," she rephrased. Harry shook his head no.

"Do you remember who you lived with when your parents died?"

"Mean." Harry whispered. He moved to his side and put his hand on Ginny's hip.

Ginny moved to her side, moving a bit closer to him. "They were mean. Remember anything else?"

"Fat?" Harry laughed moving his hand stroking her hip.

Ginny smirked lightly. "They were."

Harry looked at her and smiled. "Make baby now?" He whispered looking down at himself.

"I promised," Ginny nodded, her mood lightened a bit.

"Do want or no." Harry said cupping her cheek. Ginny smiled softly, nodding lightly.

Harry kissed her softly. "It back." He said moving her hand.

Ginny stroked him softly. "It is, isn't it," she smiled lightly, kissing him again.

Harry moaned a little. "How we do it?" Harry asked.

"Can you try to remember," she asked softly.

"Don't." Harry whispered looking a little sad.

"Are you sure?"

"Sorry." Harry said pulling back a little. His face showed how hard he was trying.

"It's fine, I'm glad you're trying," Ginny kissed him.

"How?" Harry whispered.

Ginny took his hand and moved it to her center. Her other hand was still on him. "Put this in here," she explained.

Harry moved over her. "Won't go." Harry said.

Ginny smiled slightly. "We need to take off our clothes, love."

Harry pulled his off quickly. He was grinning at her like a five year old.

Ginny pulled her clothes off before moving back under him. "I love you," she whispered.

Harry kissed her softly. He started to suck on her neck. "Good." Harry said looking in her eyes. Ginny nodded.

"Want make you . . ." Harry couldn't remember the word.

"Come?"

Harry blushed and nodded.

Ginny guided him to her entrance, letting him move in.

Harry moved in fast. He groaned. "Warm." He whispered.

Ginny moaned softly, her eyes closing. "Remember to not go hard, okay, love?"

Harry started to move slowly. He went back to kissing her neck because she said she liked that. Ginny moaned a bit loudly, moving her arms around his neck. Harry came within the first few minuets. He moved out of her and laid on his back grinning. Ginny smiled at him softly.

"Good?" Harry asked softly. Ginny nodded, turning on her side as she started to feel a little pain.

Harry could see she wasn't ok. "What wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing, love," Ginny whispered.

"What?" Harry said more firmly. "Want help."

"I just didn't finish," she muttered, "but it's fine, you can just go to sleep."

"Tell me what to help." Harry whispered. He started stroking himself trying to get himself hard again.

Ginny stopped his hand. "You don't have to do that. Do you really want to help?"

Harry closed his eyes and thought of what he just did. He racked his brain for the answer. "Tongue." He whispered opening his eyes.

"What?"

Harry moved her to her back and looked at her. His brow was tense as he moved between her legs. He parted her and touched her not quite where she wanted him too. Ginny gasped.

"Where touch?" Harry asked.

"You don't have to...."

"Want to. Taste good." Harry grinned.

Ginny moved her hand to his, putting a finger inside her and showing him where her nub is. She moaned deeply as he did what she showed him.

Harry looked at up her. "Good?" He asked putting two fingers inside her. Ginny bucked her hips lightly, her eyes fluttering closed. Harry racked his brain trying to remember how to do this. He bent his head down and kissed right under her belly button.

Ginny whimpered. "Lower," she moaned to him.

Harry did as he was told going about three inches lower and kissing the skin again. His fingers were opening and closing.

Ginny twisted her hips, moaning. "Lower," she almost begged.

Harry moved down and kissed her folds. He licked and sucked like it was her neck thinking that might be right.

Ginny cried out softly. "Harry," she moaned.

Harry looked up at her. "What?" He answered.

"Why'd you stop," she whined.

"You said name." Harry said looking at her with a tilted head. "You told me to answer when you talk."

Ginny moved her hips a little. "Sorry, love," she opened her eyes. "I didn't mean it like that. Keep going please. Use your tongue, remember?" Harry nodded grinning. He went back to doing what he was doing. He found a nub and started to suck on that. Ginny screamed out, coming harder than she had in a long time, breathing hard.

Harry got scared he moved up on the bed and pulled her against him and rocked her softly. "It ok Harry here." He said over and over.

Once Ginny calmed down, she rubbed his cheek. "No, that was good love. It was amazing," she whispered.

Harry smiled proudly. "Me did good?" Harry asked softly nuzzling her neck softly.

Ginny smiled, snuggling to him. "Very good."

Harry moved her hand to him. "Make it again." He asked.

"You made me tired, love, I'm sure you are too. If you're a good boy tomorrow we'll go flying and make love again," Ginny stroked his chest.

Harry nodded. "I make you happy?" Harry asked laying down and pulling her closer.

"Yes, Harry, you always make me happy," she whispered, putting her face in his neck .

"I love you Ginny Potter." Harry whispered before falling to sleep. His voice almost sounded like it use to. Ginny smiled, not having heard that from him in a while. She closed her eyes, slowly falling to sleep in his arms.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day.

* * *

Harry woke up the next morning. Ginny was still in his arms. He felt good, better than yesterday. "Morning." He whispered stroking her cheek.

Ginny blinked her eyes open, smiling up at him. "Hi," she yawned. Harry kissed her softly. His tongue moved into her open mouth stroking it softly.

Ginny moaned into his mouth lightly, cupping his cheek. After a moment, she pulled back, smirking. "Good morning."

"Last night was great." Harry said softly. He had a stronger voice than yesterday.

"That it was," Ginny smiled, stroking his neck. "How are you feeling today?"

"Better." Harry said softly. He had days were he was almost normal. Moments he was the man he was before.

"Good," Ginny kissed his cheek.

"I almost feel normal." Harry whispered. He almost always spoke softly when he was feeling this way.

"Then it's going to be a good day," Ginny said softly, taking his hand. "Do you want to go flying like I promised or do something else?"

"Depends on who the something else is." Harry smirked a little. Ginny rolled her eyes, smiling lightly.

"I can last longer like this." Harry whispered feeling bad about last night. He enjoyed it but knew when he was like that she didn't as much.

"Last night was really good," she said softly, running her fingers through his hair, knowing how he was feeling. "You made up for not lasting."

"I hate how I am sometimes." Harry whispered. He remembered everything about his life now. The past was always fuzzy but yesterday he knew.

Ginny kissed his neck. "Don't be so hard on yourself, baby, you can't control it anymore than I can."

Harry nodded. "You really want a baby?" Harry whispered.

"I've always wanted your child," Ginny rested her hand on his neck.

"After what i am you shouldn't." Harry whispered.

"You're Harry, just Harry, nothing else," Ginny said, looking into his eyes.

"I'm two people." Harry whispered with his eyes down. "You shouldn't have to deal with the other."

"You're one person," Ginny cupped his cheek. "And I don't deal with you, I love you."

"Maybe Bill was right." Harry whispered to himself.

"Don't you ever say that," Ginny said sternly. "My arse of a brother is not right."

"You don't deserve this." Harry whispered.

"Stop it, Harry, please," Ginny said almost weakly.

"Divorce me." Harry whispered. "I'll give you everything."

"Stop," Ginny demanded flatly.

"Then I'll ask for one." Harry whispered with a tear rolling off his nose. Ginny slapped him before gasping, her hand flying to her mouth, horrified with what she just did.

"I can't do this to you anymore." Harry said shaking.

"Don't, please don't leave me," Ginny pleaded, tears falling.

"I can't let you watch me go crazy anymore." Harry said softly.

"You aren't letting me do anything, it's my choice," Ginny whispered.

"You're as noble as me." Harry said.

"Which is why we belong together. Please don't do this, I need you."

"Need to do what? Change me, feed me, keep me from killing myself? Give me sex so I don't attack you?" Harry said looking her in the eyes. His were full of pain.

"You would never hurt me," Ginny said softly but firmly.

"I've almost a few times." Harry whispered. "I almost yesterday when you told me later."

"But you didn't."

"It's getting harder to stop myself. It's getting harder to come back and talk like this." Harry said softly.

"You can't actually think I'd let you leave me without a fight," Ginny said flatly.

Harry's face went blank again. "Hi." He said with a slight slurring of his speech. "You sad?"

Ginny took a deep breath, slightly glad about him losing his train of thought. "No, I'm good, baby," Ginny kissed his cheek.

"Again." Harry asked putting his hand on her leg. Ginny looked at him for a moment, remembering what he had told her. "Again?" Harry asked softly as if trying to convince her.

"How about after breakfast, is that alright? Last night made me hungry," Ginny said, slightly testing him.

"No." Harry said with his head down.

"Don't be mad, baby," Ginny put her hand on his arm. "We'll do it later, okay?"

Harry moved his hand up. "Want now." He said looking at her.

"You can't always have what you want, when you want it, Harry," Ginny said softly, remembering what Ron said this time. "You'll have to just be patient and wait." Ginny really wasn't in the mood after the fight they had. She hated to do that when he was back to normal, she preferred to do the good stuff.

"Now." Harry said again. He moved a little closer to her tighten his grip on her leg.

"No," Ginny tried to push his hand off.

Harry moved over her. "Me husband. Me right." Harry said.

"Harry, stop it," she demanded, hating herself for being scared. "The husband isn't always right, now please get off of me."

"No." Harry said. Neither has redressed after last night. He started rubbing against her.

"Stop," she almost yelled, pushing on his chest.

Harry was weak but still was bigger than she was. He kept her down. "Stop." He mimicked her smiling like she was playing a game. He thought she was. He nudged her legs open and moved inside her.

Ginny gasped, biting her lip hard at what he just did. "Harry, please get off of me, now. I am not joking, please move," she whispered a bit harshly.

"Feel good." Harry said moving. In his mind he was fighting himself but the old side, the side that was with her a few moments ago was weaker and losing. He stroked her cheek as he kept going.

"Harry, please stop it." Tears were falling as Ginny continued to bite her lip.

Harry moved as deep inside her as he could. He came hard shaking as he did. He fell against her smiling into her neck. He started rubbing her like he did last night.

"I came, Harry, I finished. Please move and let me take a shower," Ginny said flatly, staring at the ceiling.

"Why not smile?" Harry ask confused. He knew she didn't act like this last night.

Ginny smiled forcefully. "I'm just a bit tired, that's all, love. Let me take a shower and maybe I'll call Ron and let him watch a movie with you, alright?"

Harry moved up and kissed her softly. "I do wrong gain?" Harry asked with tears in his eyes as he moved off her.

"I'll have Ron talk to you, okay? I'll be right out," Ginny whispered, grabbing her wand and going to the bathroom. She pointed it at herself, making it so the building orgasm went away. She pointed it at Harry's back through the open door, making it so he couldn't have an erection until she reversed it. Ginny went into the shower, turning the water on hot. She sat down on the tile, letting the water fall on her.

Harry laid on the bed. He started to cry knowing she was upset with him but not knowing what he did. He saw a few drops of blood on the sheets. It scared him a little knowing when he was hurt he bled so he must have hurt Ginny. He went towards the kitchen without letting Ginny know to make her breakfast so she would be happy again.

Ginny got out of the shower a bit later and walked back into the bedroom, not glancing at the bed as she got dressed. "I'll be right back, let me go-" Ginny turned and was surprised to find the bed empty. A little scared, she went to the other bedroom to find it was empty. "Harry," she called.

Harry was on his way to the kitchen but then he started thinking that she was happy before he did that thing he liked and sad after. He knew he did bad. So maybe if he made that part of his body go away she would be happy. So he went to look for a knife.

"Harry?" Ginny called again, slightly panicked as she searched the upstairs before running downstairs. "Harry, please answer me when I call you." Harry was standing in the kitchen naked when she walked in with a knife against himself.

Ginny blanched. "Harry, stop," Ginny ran to him, slowly moving the knife away from him.

"I . . . you hate me now . . . i do bad."

Ginny put the knife in the sink. "I do not hate you. Please don't go off like that without telling me. I need you to understand what you did, and I can't explain it. I need to call Ron and have him talk to you. Can you please get dressed and sit down and not try to hurt yourself or anything without talk to me," Ginny said slowly. Harry just walked to his bedroom and shut the door, crying as he did.

Ginny slumped into a chair, wrapping her arms around herself as tears started to fall. She felt an incredible amount of self-loathing at the moment because she almost considered doing what her brothers wanted. After a few minutes, she wrote a letter to Ron and Hermione, asking them to come over.

Ron and Hermione were there a few moments later. Ginny hadn't told them anything but to come over. "What's wrong?" Harry asked sitting next to Ginny. Ron was standing.

"I need you to talk to him," Ginny said weakly, talking to Ron. "This morning started as one of his good days..."

Hermione put her arms around Ginny. "What happened?"

Ginny looked down, leaning against her. "He wants me to put him in a hospital or divorce him or something. I told him no and he said he would then. After that he went back to the way he is. He then wanted to have sex again and I told him no. He kept saying yes, he wanted to and I kept telling him to stop.... He didn't mean to... he didn't know what he was doing," Ginny whispered, a tear falling.

Ron's jaw set a little. He was afraid of this. This was the one thing he hoped never happened but knew very well could. Hermione's hand went to her mouth.

"He didn't mean to," Ginny repeated before quietly telling them what happened a few minutes ago with the knife.

"I'll talk to him." Ron said softly walking into the room. Harry was still naked on the floor. Harry didn't move just shook as Ron shut the door.

Ron sat on the bed, looking down at him. "Harry, do you know what you did this morning?"

Harry looked up at him. "Same as night time." He said in a small voice.

"Harry, Ginny told you to stop. Did you?" Ron asked slowly.

"She was yelling like last night." Harry said confused.

Ron would've made a face but knew this was serious. "There is a big difference, Harry. When a woman tells you to stop, you stop. When she tells you to move, you move. You never keep going with what you want. When you have sex, it's about your wife, not you. It's not about what you want, it's about what she does. You have to listen to her at all times. You also can't do things like hurt yourself without talking to her first. Do you understand?"

Harry shook his head no. "Sound same." He said shaking a little worried Ron would be mad and hurt him.

"No, Harry, it is not the same. Try to think, do you see any difference? I'm sure you can think of something you heard last night and how it was different from this morning."

Harry slowly shook his head no. "I try she happy last night." He said in a sad tone.

"Did she tell you to stop last night," Ron asked slowly, trying not to get frustrated.

"Didn't hear words." Harry said softly. "Feel too good."

Ron ran a hand through his hair. "You have to listen to her, Harry."

"Can't hear words. Ears broke then." Harry said slowly.

"Harry, you have to listen to her or you won't be able to have sex again," Ron said.

"But try can't." Harry said. "Ears don't work." He said firmly. "I want her happy." Harry whispered.

"She won't be happy unless you listen to her," Ron said firmly.

"I try." Harry said softly crying. "Couldn't tell the words she saying."

Ron patted his shoulder. "If you want to stay with her, you can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do."

"But didn't." Harry said not understanding.

Ron sighed. "Harry, by telling you to stop, that meant that she did not want to have sex. I hate to be blunt and tell you, but you raped her, Harry."

"No." Harry yelled. "She never said no." Harry reasoned. "She wanted me." Harry said shaking.

"No she didn't. Harry, you have to understand this or Ginny might leave. You can't just do whatever you want. You don't always get what you want all the time. Not just during sex, but any other time, if Ginny says no, you have to listen and just say okay. You can't just keep asking or be sad or anything, you have to listen to her. When you do have sex, you have to listen," Ron said firmly.

"She wants baby . . . trying to help." Harry said proudly. "I do good." He said turning his back to Ron.

"No you didn't," Ron said, exasperated.

"She want me. Wet and everything." Harry said putting a pillow over his head ending the talk.

Ron ran his hand through his hair again. "Fuck," he muttered under his breath and left the room. Ginny and Hermione were in the kitchen when Ron came in. Ginny looked at him. Ron walked to the kitchen, falling into a chair as he let his head fall into his hands.

"What?" Ginny asked needing to know what happened.

"He doesn't get it," Ron groaned.

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked.

"He thinks he did the right thing. He said he couldn't tell the different in the sounds." Ron muttered.

Ginny crossed her arms on the table, putting her head on them. "I don't know what to do anymore."

"Maybe it's time to think about putting him in long term care." Hermione said softly. "I know you love him Ginny but you can't live in fear of what he's going to do next." Ginny started to sob into her arms, her body shaking. Hermione hugged her closely. "He doesn't understand anymore Ginny."

"I told him I would never leave him," she cried.

"Ginny he's going to do it again. He truly does not get what he did was wrong. Unless you want that to happen everything he feels like it you have to do something." Ron said in a firm but soft tone.

"I promised myself I would never do that, I would never just force him onto someone else when I couldn't handle it," Ginny sobbed.

"Did you ever think this morning would happen?" Ron asked softly.

"No," Ginny took in a shaky breath. "He told me it was harder to stop himself from doing that or hurting me and I told him he would never."

"He wants to be good for you Ginny." Ron whispered taking her hand. "He just can't anymore." Ginny moved to cry into his chest, her body still shaking violently. Ron held her tightly rubbing her back. "I'm so sorry Ginny." Ron whispered.

"Please don't tell anyone else," Ginny asked weakly.

"Never." Ron whispered.

Harry walked into the kitchen still not dressed. "Why sad?" He asked looking like he just woke up.

"Go get him dressed, I'll talk to him in a moment," Ginny pushed Ron slightly.

Ron helped Harry put on boxers, jean and a shirt and stayed with him until Ginny came in. "Hi." He said moving and kissing her softly.

Ginny kissed him back before pulling back and take his hand. "I need to talk to you, Harry."

"We go fly?" Harry said brightly. He's all but forgot this morning.

"No, Harry," Ginny shook her head sadly.

"Why?" Harry asked not remembering.

Ginny led Harry to the bed, sitting him down. "Because we need to talk about something important." Harry tilted his head at her as he sat.

"Harry, please know that I'll always love you, okay?" Ginny took his hand in hers.

"Love you too." Harry said brightly.

"I'll always love you and I'll never love anyone else. You were just about my first everything and will be my last," Ginny said softly. Harry smiled brightly and laughed a little.

Ginny tried to smile back but couldn't. "Please don't be upset with me because this doesn't mean you'll never see me again. I'll visit you every day."

Harry made a face. "What mean?"

"Me see you everyday. Love seeing you everyday. Love here."

"You're going to live somewhere else, Harry," Ginny whispered, her tears falling again.

"No." Harry said firmly. "My house."

"It's my house too," Ginny whispered hoarsely. "And it will always be our house but you can't live here anymore. I can't take care of you."

"Not leaving." Harry said.

"You have to, Harry," Ginny whispered, letting out a sob.

"Why?" Harry whispered. "You don't love me?" Harry whispered crying.

Ginny pulled him into a hug. "I love you, Harry. I love you with all my heart and I always will. I'm just not able to take care of you."

"No. Can't be away. Me die." Harry cried softly.

"No you won't. You'll have a nice nurse to take care of you, a nurse who will be better at it. I will visit you all the time," Ginny cried.

"I kill self if you make go." Harry said looking her in the eye.

"Please don't," Ginny begged. "I'll be terribly sad if you did and I'd die, too."

"Will." Harry said looking her in the eye. "Use the last of my wandless magic."

"Please don't Harry," Ginny pleaded as she cried. "Please. For me?"

"No." He said in a cold voice.

"Stay," Ginny whispered as she stood up and stumbled out the door. She slid down the wall and onto the floor as she started to cry hard. Harry grabbed most of the things he used all the time and moved them to the smaller bedroom. Ginny curled into herself against the wall, her body shaking violently.

Harry grabbed a knife from the kitchen. He walked to where she was. "I go away now." He said holding it to his neck.

"You want me gone I go." He said crying.

"Stop it," Ginny yelled, grabbing the knife from him and throwing it, breaking a picture. "Harry, I don't know what to do anymore. I can't say no to you because you don't listen. I can't explain it to you when you do something wrong. I can't protect you from yourself. I just can't do anything. I want you to always be safe and I can't keep you safe when I have to start worrying about myself. Since your accident, I have not once thought about myself but when it comes to harming the memory of you, I have to. I'm sorry, Harry. Please forgive me."

He just looked at her. "You face red." He said cupping her cheek. Ginny sunk to the floor, looking away at the broken glass on the floor. She could feel herself going numb. Harry got on the floor next to her and pulled her against him holding her close. He nuzzled her neck softly. Ginny was tense in his arms, not showing any emotion as she stared at the opposite wall blankly.

Harry stroked her back softly. "Sleepy." He whispered.

"Go to bed," Ginny whispered flatly.

"Want make you happy gain." Harry whispered.

"You will. Go to bed."

"Not without you." Harry said nuzzling her neck.

"Go to bed, Harry," Ginny said, a bit more firmly.

"No." Harry whispered. "Not that sleepy."

"Go to bed," Ginny shouted, pulling back. Harry curled into a ball scared.

Ginny's head fell into her hands again. "I'm sorry. Please, go to bed, Harry." Harry shook his head shaking not wanting to move.

Ginny grabbed her wand from her pocket and levitated Harry to the bed. "I'll be back, okay?"

Harry got out of the bed. "Want be with you." Harry said softly.

"Please, Harry. I need to be alone for a few minutes. A good husband does what his wife wants," Ginny whispered, feeling bad for using that against him.

Harry nodded sadly. "Want be good." He said. He got into the bed dressed and turned so she couldn't see him crying.

With her stomach twisting, Ginny left him alone and went to the fireplace. She flooed Hermione.

"How's he doing?" Hermione asked when she answered.

"He won't let me," Ginny shook her head.

"What?" Hermione asked.

"He said if I made him live somewhere else without me, he'd kill himself," Ginny whispered, looking away. "He actually held a knife to his neck."

"I don't know what to tell you." Hermione said in a very soft tone. "He's all but gone Ginny."

Ginny was numb, weak as she looked at the floor. "I can't do this anymore, Hermione. I am going to crack one day and either hurt him or myself. I've already hurt him too many times. I... I just can't take care of him anymore... I just don't have the energy to."

"What are you going to do?" Hermione whispered softly.

"I don't know," Ginny choked out, tears forming, her body starting to shake. "But I just need help." She started to sob on the floor.

Harry was behind her. His mind had relaxed a little and he had come back a little more. "Ginny?" He whispered in a hoarse voice. The change was evident.

Ginny stiffened. She didn't turn around. "You... you heard that didn't you?"

"Yeah I did." Harry whispered.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, defeated.

"Come here." He whispered weak leaning against the door.

Ginny got up slowly, numbly walking to where he was.

Harry pulled her against his body. "I tried to stop him. I swear I fought as hard as I could." Harry said softly.

Ginny was limp in his embrace. "I know you did," she whispered.

"I love you. I'm so sorry." Harry whispered nuzzling her neck.

"I love you. And it's not your fault," Ginny whispered sadly, holding onto his shirt like it would keep his present mind where it was.

"Please forgive me," she begged.

"I don't blame you." Harry whispered. "Just let him end it. It will be easier for everyone." Harry whispered rubbing the small cut on his neck.

"I don't want you to die," Ginny said, letting out a sob.

"I'm almost gone. A few more weeks and I'll be gone. It's getting too hard to break threw." Harry said kissing her neck.

"Do you know how long you're going to last right now?" Ginny asked weakly.

"He's pretty weak. I might get a few hours." Harry said stroking her back.

"Please. One last time. I need a good last memory," Ginny pleaded through her tears.

"After what he did to you?" Harry chocked out.

"Please, Harry. I can't let that be how I remember you."

Harry nodded kissing her neck. He took her hand and led her into their bedroom. He kissed her softly. "Tell me to stop and I will."

"I know," Ginny whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Harry kissed her softly rubbing her sides. "I remember feeling this nervous our wedding night." Harry smiled shyly.

"That was one of the best nights of my life," Ginny smiled lightly. "This'll be my last best night."

"Promise me you'll find someone new, that you will find love again." Harry said sucking on her neck.

Ginny remained silent, her eyes closing as she tilted her head.

"Promise me." Harry whispered ticking her lightly.

"No," Ginny whispered, putting her hand under his shirt.

"Promise me or I''ll let him back." Harry said pulling away a little. "I can't die knowing you will be alone."

"Stop it. Let us enjoy this, please," Ginny begged, tears falling a bit faster.

"I can't knowing you'll spend 100 years alone." Harry whispered.

"Then get me pregnant," Ginny whispered, looking into his eyes.

"That's a big job for one time." Harry smirked.

"You said you have a few hours," Ginny smiled as she moved to kiss him.

Harry groaned. "Love when you do that."

"You need to take that charm off." Harry said softly.

"Oh, sorry," Ginny flicked her wand at him.

Harry's pants tented as soon as the charm was off. "Brilliant." He grinned. Ginny laughed softly, letting herself forget everything. She then flicked her wand at herself.

"What's that for?" Harry asked starting to strip.

"So you'll get me pregnant," Ginny smiled, running her nails down his bare chest.

Harry jerked. "Merlin woman." Harry said taking his jeans and boxers. Ginny grinned at him mischievously. She slowly pulled off her shirt.

"Tease." Harry said pulling her into a deep kiss.

"Don't hear you complaining," Ginny gasped, letting her fingers trace him.

Harry stripped Ginny and held her against him. "I love you Mrs. Potter."

Ginny put her face in his neck, just enjoying the skin. "I love you, Harry James. I always will."

Harry kissed her softly. "Lay on the bed love." He whispered. Ginny moved to spread out on the bed.

Harry turned around and looked at her trying to remember everything. He knelt between her legs. "Ready?" Harry asked softly.

"Always," Ginny whispered, feeling a bit nervous for some reason. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

Harry slowly moved into Ginny. He groaned softly. "Love you baby." He said starting to move rubbing her nub as he went.

Ginny moaned deeply, arching slightly. "I love you, Harry." Harry sucked on her neck as he moved deeply keeping at her nub. Ginny kept moaning and groaning as she twisted her hips, letting her nails scratch his back.

"Come for me baby." Harry whispered pressing on her nub harder. Ginny instantly screamed his name, coming hard, clamping around him. Harry groaned her name as he came. He prayed he was making his child. He stayed inside her and on top of her.

Ginny whispered. "I have a few requests for you, too."

"Anything." Harry nodded. "Mind if I stay on top of you?" Harry blushed.

"Please." Ginny kissed his neck. "Can we think of names while you're still here? And can you write a letter to him or her?"

"Would you mind James Sirius and Lily Ginevra?" Harry asked softly stroking her cheek.

"How about Lily Luna? She helped me a lot in my sixth year," Ginny whispered, brushing his hair away from his face.

"But I like your name." Harry said shyly.

Ginny wrinkled her nose. "I don't."

"It's beautiful. I love the way it rolls off my tongue." Harry kissed her neck softly.

"I love the way you say it, but only you," Ginny smiled. "I'll think about it. But given my family's record, it'll probably be a boy."

"The men control that love." Harry laughed. "Whatever you want." harry said kissing her lightly. He closed his eyes and looked a little pained.

"What's wrong?" Ginny asked urgently.

"He's trying to come back. But I think i stopped it." Harry said opening his eyes.

"For how long?" Ginny asked softly, cupping his face.

"I don't know." Harry whispered. "Faster than I want."

"I don't want to rush you," Ginny said sadly. "But I need you to write that letter."

Harry got up and wrote a 10 pages letter. It took almost an hour. "Here." Harry said handing it to her.

Ginny set the letter on the bedside table and pulled him back into the bed, cuddled to him tightly.

"I love you so much." Harry said softly.

"I love you with all my heart," Ginny whispered into his chest.

"I'll watch over you." Harry whispered.

"You'll always be here," Ginny took his hand and put it over her heart.

"I don't want to go." Harry whispered with tears in his eyes.

"I'll always love you. I'll never love anyone else and I'll always have our child to remind me of you when I don't have a picture nearby. You'll always be in my thoughts and in my heart. I love you," Ginny choked out.

Harry nuzzled her neck. "Love you Gin." Harry said. "You will be the best mother."

"You would be the greatest father. I'll always regret not seeing you hold our child," Ginny said through a small sob. Harry kissed her deeply. "Give my your wand." Harry whispered. "I want to go in our arms." Ginny started to sob as she hesitantly handed him her wand.

"I love you Ginny." Harry said pointing the wand to his head. He slowly but cleaning said the killing curse. Ginny started to sob loud and hard, holding his head to her chest. Her body was shaking violently.


	3. Chapter 3

17 years later.

* * *

Ginny stared at the letter in her hands, the envelope a bit worn from her looking at it so much. She took a breath and left her bedroom in her apartment, walking to her son's room. "James?" Ginny knocked on the door, peering in.

Her 16 year old son looked up at her. "Yeah Mum?" James asked.

"I have something for you," Ginny walked into the room, envelope in hand.

"What is it?" James said staining. He looked just like his father but was tall like his uncle Ron.

"Before your father died, I asked him to write you a letter," Ginny said softly, "and I think you're old enough to read it." Ginny held it out to him.

James took the letter and set down on his bed. "Thanks Mum." James said softly. Ginny nodded as she turned to leave, not wanting to watch him read it. James took the letter out and started to read. His noted that his and his father wrote the same way. His father told him about the war and his childhood. About his Aunt Hermione and his Uncle Ron and his mum. It was over 10 pages long. He walked into his mum's room after. "Mum?" He said in a raw voice.

Ginny looked up at him, looking a bit weaker as she thought about Harry, something she always hid from her son.

"He loved you so much. It killed him when he . . ." James's eyes watered as he thought.

Ginny looked away. "He didn't mean to," she muttered.

"It still hurt you both." James said sitting next to her. "He told me he thinks that's when I was . . ."

"It wasn't," Ginny said firmly, fire in her eyes.

James nodded. "He told me something; Life isn't easy but it's worth the pain to get to the good. You were his good."

"Both of you are mine," Ginny whispered.

James hugged his mum. "I love you Mummy." He whispered.

"I love you Jamie," Ginny whispered into his shoulder, letting a tear fall.

James moved closer to her wrapping his arms around her very much like his father would have. "Don't cry."

"I'm sorry," she sniffed, holding her son tightly. Ginny put her head back on his shoulder, closing her eyes.

"I have to go." James said softly. "Rose and I are going to work on that project."

Ginny kissed his cheek. "You're the best thing I could've asked for in a son, you're a good man." James left after he hugged his mum. Ginny took a deep breath, letting her head fall into her hands as she thought about the man she still loves.


End file.
